Love’n’Graph — How It All Started
The idea for Love’n’Graph came to me when I was about 32 years old. At that time, I was quite successful in business and had gained a lot of experience in the field of crisis-management. I worked with several companies and projects at various stages of crisis or stagnation and which were in need of a serious over haul.
My story … and maybe yours!
When it came to choosing people for a particular job assignment, I was always pretty confident and successful in my hiring choices. However, when it came to choosing someone to fill that most important position, my life partner, I didn’t know what I was doing and had no idea how to make a confident choice! Now, please do not be quick to judge me as I tell you my story. Don’t assume that my failures in love were due to my being too busy or having the wrong priorities. I was simply careless in love because I didn’t want to do the difficult work of thinking through love. I preferred to only rely on chance and luck.
At that time, I was full of contradictions. My partner seemed almost perfect but how could this be? What was it about her that was so perfect? I couldn’t see any flaws in her at all!
Some of my partner’s qualities really amazed me, others I took for granted and still some others were so appreciated by other people around us that it caused only irritation. However, there was another issue. If the great qualities that I would have liked to have seen in my partner were actually absent, should the absence of those qualities have been considered a serious negative? Additionally, was it possible that any slightly noticeable flaws in my partner could have eventually become a huge barrier to happiness and harmony for us?
My Biggest Challenges
I really treasured our relationship, and we both truly wanted it to be successful and happy. At the same time, my inner voice was never at peace and the constant hesitation in myself was driving me crazy. The tension and disappointment grew. Time and time again I tried to evaluate and understand our situation but never came to any strong conclusions or decisive solutions. So I pretended that everything was fine and convinced myself that there really wasn’t anything better to search for than what we already had in our relationship. However, it is a miserable thing when you tell yourself that everything is “fine” but in reality things are not at all the way you want them to be.
I used different situations in the relationship as excuses for the supposed “temporary” nature of our problems, but the truth was that our problems were not temporary and I was just wasting my time and my partner’s time by living in denial. I always pretended to be someone who I wasn’t in order to please my partner, and I wanted her to make some changes in herself for me too. I noticed how hard we both tried to change and improve ourselves for each other, but still I kept feeling like our “fine” was just getting worse and worse. As you might imagine, things didn’t work out between us. The situation stayed the same and, despite all our early hopes, we did the one thing we had promised each other we would never do — we gave up.
The ‘Elephant in the Room’ Phase
As life continued with business and work day after day and year after year, we carefully chose safe topics, avoided any conflict, respected each other’s wounds and lived as though there was no tension between us…which is kind of how many people live in today’s world! We tried to change things up a bit to make the relationship more interesting and fresh. We bought gifts for each other, we tried new things in the bedroom; but still the emptiness remained. We started spending time with other people to compensate for the things we weren’t getting from each other. There were moments where it had seemed that if we had just concentrated enough on having good communication, that it could have been the answer to keeping our relationship intact. Nevertheless, we always ended up feeling guilty and fake, and often worried about breaking trust with each other.
I remember once watching a children’s program that taught basic mathematics. The program instructor said, “A minus or negative multiplied by a minus makes a plus or positive, a plus multiplied by a plus makes a plus; but a plus multiplied by a minus always makes a minus.” It took a children’s program to teach me that no matter how many positives there are in my relationship, they will never cover that one significant negative that is never acceptable for me.
The Way Out: Life Is Like a Business
One day I was discussing the life of someone I used to know and how unhappy that person was in their family life. Then a revolutionary idea came to me — life is like a business. Building a family is like building a business. Many of the problems in a business are often due to a lack of competence in the leadership. The more I thought about it, the more real life examples I saw around me that proved the truth of this principle. I also understood that this principle was not just true for someone else’s family, but that it was also true about myself and my relationship with my partner. It also explained why my inner voice had become even more unsettled.
I had always been interested in sociology and psychology, and it is nearly impossible to lead a big company on the edge of bankruptcy without a good understanding of these subjects. Due to my profession, I had to study psychology and had to work with a lot of information quickly and accurately. I always knew what to look for, where to find it and how to apply it.
After a lot of research and study, I finally understood what I needed to do to solve my relationship problem, and it was quite simple. I just needed to:
1. Create a detailed base of filters (definitions, specialties, and characteristics).
2.Sort them into groups based on their level of importance
3.Create a way to evaluate and choose definitions
4. Join it to an analytical instrument that could work with large datasets of information and could display the results graphically
I spent over a year searching for answers to my questions, collecting and systematizing new knowledge. Then one day a software developer told me that if all the information that I had researched could be clearly described, then it could also be expressed as code in a computer program. So I shared my idea with friends, who then became my partners, and they helped me bring this project to life.
While still working day jobs, we here at Love’n’Graph researched types of computer programs used as training programs and learned how to create suitable algorithms for our program. Five professional psychologists and three sociologists joined our team to work on the idea and to help in creating algorithms and systems. And here it is!
Our product is the result of 2 years of hard work!
We poured our hearts and minds into this app, and we’re super proud of it!
I hope, in fact, I’M 100% CERTAIN, that it will help you just like it helped me once.
Oh, yeah, and about my relationship — our story didn’t have a fairytale ending where the couple lived happily ever after, but we were able to clearly understand ourselves and each other. We understood that it was simply not wise to force your partner to have those qualities or characteristics that he/she has never had. We understood that all the sacrifices on both sides had made us unhappy, disgruntled and vindictive. Life is way too short and precious for that!
When does a relationship stop being worth it? Answering that question is exactly what our product was designed for and sets out to provide. That is, to help you, the user, clearly know and accept when your relationship is still worth it and when it’s not!
On a final note, my ex- and I don’t feel sorry or sad about our decisions! We’ve become very happy and each of us have entered into wonderful relationships with other people. The experience that we at Love’n’Graph have had working on this program has given us a lot of knowledge and made us much wiser. We are very happy with what we have accomplished and with the quality product we are able to offer our users!
Volodymyr Streltsyn (Founder)