Our lives are full of ever-ending conflicts. The question then, is how can we bring these conflicts to an end and cease suffering?

Have you ever thought that human life is nothing but a series of conflicts? Conflicts that each of us carries from early childhood? Conflicts which we then share with each other, making our own lives and the lives of others miserable?

Let’s be clear — conflict is not always destructive. The progress and development of mankind would not be possible without it. However, we must clearly distinguish between positive and negative conflicts.

Scientific, philosophical, and political debates are also conflicts. However, these do not usually end up harming the conflicting parties. On the contrary, all parties stand to gain something from these types of conflicts, which allow them the opportunity to test the strength of their ideas and to identify those ideas’ vulnerable points. We welcome such conflicts and call them constructive or positive.

But, unfortunately, the overwhelming majority of conflicts that we have in our lives are role and interpersonal conflicts. These are the ones that make our lives difficult.

Internal and interpersonal conflicts

Our problems always start with the so-called role conflict. This type of conflict arises when in the “Self-conception” of a person a variety of contradictions are forced to interact. These contradictions are associated with the expectations of a person and their actual situation, as well as with their internal values and the ones imposed by others, their self-identities and the social roles they should (according to public opinion) perform.

Regardless of social status, income, and other factors, the vast majority of people live with unresolved internal conflicts. This in itself causes great suffering to those dealing with them, however, it worsens when two “Self-conceptions” full of internal conflicts face each other.

The most striking example of a collision between two conflicting parties is in the case of a romantic relationship between two partners. Once the love “anesthesia” expires — this chemical that makes partners see only the best aspects of each other — conflicts hidden in each individual become clear and bubble to the surface. This causes a conflict that can very often lead to arguments, scandals, and even break-ups.

Harmonious personalities, rare though they are, stand out due to their total lack of conflicts. Such people, having solved their internal conflicts one way or another, have happy and strong relationships. They do not have this conflict component that so many others do, and which inevitably brings unhappiness to love and family life.

Deferred and inevitable conflict: learn to be prepared for it, or remove its cause?

Conflict inside = conflict outside. This is a kind of constant. If we really want to build a strong and happy relationship, then we either have to first solve our internal conflicts, or be prepared for the inevitable interpersonal conflicts with our partner.

Most of the strategies, methods, and tools designed to make relationships harmonious serve to solve already incurred conflicts by the couple. This is a bit like trying to glue a cup that is already chipping and has cracks.

However, with the increased understanding of human psychology (both individual and interpersonal) it’s become more and more evident that there is a need to work at the root of the problem — with the internal contradictions that accumulate over time in each of us.

Without having made an individual person, if not happy, at least internally consistent, we do not receive harmony in our relationships and, sooner or later, will inevitably face quarrels, scandals, break-ups or an unbearable coexistence.

But what today is the most logical and affordable way to begin to work with internal conflicts?

Internal conflict: see, understand, and resolve

Very often we do not realize what kinds of conflicts are hidden within us, poisoning our existence and everyone around us. We live with these conflicts for such a long period of time that we start perceiving them as part of our nature, without understanding that they need to be drawn to the surface and solved.

But how can we do this?

In today’s world, we have three options:

  1. See a psychologist,
  2. Conduct an independent study of the issue and a subsequent self-analysis, or
  3. Use digital tools.

We might say that the first option is the preferred one but, of course, it also comes with a much higher price tag. The second option is good for people who have a lot of free time and tenacity. The third, in view of its simplicity and efficiency, is acceptable and appropriate for people who are worried by internal and interpersonal conflicts, but whose time and financial resources are limited. This is where the majority of us probably fit.

Of all the digital tools out there that help us to work with the “Self-conception” and bring to the surface all the conflicting aspects of a single person or partners, the best is the Love`n`Graph application. Initially developed to help couples purge their relationships of conflicts and contradictions (not only existing relationships, but also prospective), it has also been proven to help individuals better understand their “Self-conception”. This application allows the user to conduct an independent and detailed analysis of their psychological profile, providing users with a visual map of all the problems and internal conflicts in their lives, whether these are expressed or are still under the surface.

Revealing serious personal problems in the early stages is completely analogous to the early diagnosis of serious problems with a person’s physical health. How promptly and seriously most people address these needs will depend on whether their relationship with others (and especially — with their second half) is harmonious or is full of constant conflicts.