People have been trying to understand the secret of love for centuries. How do we choose our partners? Who do we fall in love with? Why do we break up?

In this article we are going to talk about love, one of the most difficult topics. People have not been able to give an exact definition to love. Even though we understand what emotions and feelings it brings into our lives, we often can’t describe it with words.

However, love can be studied. So, let’s look at how we choose our potential partners and how our relationships develop from the very beginning. In the course of our discussion we will definitely see ways that can help us avoid possible conflicts in a relationship and not stay heartbroken.

Interaction of Personalities and Self-conception

Each one of us is a complicated, multi-faceted being. Psychologists call this constantly changing set of qualities self-conception.

Self-conception is the core of personality. It begins to develop from the day we are born and is influenced over time by different experiences we have throughout life. It’s much more difficult to change the self-conception of an adult compared to that of a teenager. Most people act out of that self-conception that has already been formed.

There are many studies about personality. Although all people are the same in terms of biological structure, they have different characters, personalities, talents, believes, views, stereotypes, expectations, habits, etc. All these components come together to form a unique mix of characteristics that determine our individuality and make us different from one another.

We Are All Unique

What happens when two people meet? Maybe they are attracted to each other, find some common interests, and then decide to start a relationship.

Two self-conceptions start to interact and react to each other. The result is like a chemical reaction. Like in chemistry, there can be many possible reactions depending on the two personalities or “chemicals” involved. Some personalities can stimulate the reaction in a positive way or they can lead to an explosion. The closer people are to one another, the more their two self-conceptions mix and react, and the more complicated their “chemistry” becomes.

So, which relationships become strong, long-lasting, and develop continuously and which ones are destined to fail? How do we choose our life partner?

There are a lot of theories on how to choose a life partner, and we agree with most of them because they all share some common ideas:

  • When choosing a partner, we rely on a socio-cultural principle called homogamy. In other words, we create an image of a person who we think will meet all our demands.
  • Then we choose a person who best fits that image, while eliminating the number of potential partners using subconscious filters. People tend to evaluate people around in order to feel safe and comfortable. We evaluate how safe, comfortable, and beneficial each person can be to us.

So, how do we choose our life partner?