How do filters work?

When evaluating a partner, we concentrate on those qualities that form his or her personality. The result of this evaluation, like in chemistry, can be positive, negative, or neutral. In other words, we like, dislike, or stay indifferent to a person we are evaluating.

Often our attitude to a person is formed subconsciously. This happens when we receive all the information about the person by looking and talking to them. We get the first impression about the person. And then if we continue communicating with him or her, we get more information that may or may not influence our first impression. This is how we choose our potential partner and in the end stay with the one we like the most.

Can We Make Mistakes?

The answer is yes. Otherwise, why divorce rates are so high and level of satisfaction with family life and partner is so low? According to statistics, on average 4–6 marriages out of 10 end up in divorce. 50–60% of divorces happen in young families that decide to divorce within the first 3–18 months of marriage.

What Is the Reason?

When we’re seeing a person for the first time and trying to decide whether or not we like him or her, we behave both like a dishonest salesperson and an inexperienced buyer. As a dishonest salesperson we are trying to attract our partner by showing ourselves in a favorable light. We may add some qualities and characteristics to our personality or change those that we already have. This way our potential partner gets a fake image of us, which in the end leads to disappointments.

As an inexperienced buyer we also often disfigure the real picture, consciously making our demands lower in order not to spoil an image of a potential partner. For example, a man with a muscular body, good sense of humor, and no financial problems seems like such a great catch for a woman. Of course, in the beginning she will not pay attention at his bad habits and characteristics and will see him as a man of her life. But, when, for example, he starts to cheat, will she be satisfied with those qualities that seemed so important in the beginning of a relationship?

We are not always honest with ourselves and pretend that our relationship is perfect and has no negative sides. But it is impossible to build a relationship without seeing a full picture.

Therefore, lie is the main reason why we so often get disappointed in our relationships. In most cases we lie we tell is innocent and helps us adapt to life with other people without feeling any discomfort. We lie for many reasons: because we lack confidence, try to protect those who are around, attract attention, etc. When starting a relationship, we are ready to change our clothing style, appearance, habits, and even values, but this is not real us. Thus, if you start with a lie, you are most likely to be disappointed in your relationship.